o.m goodness

I can hardelly breathe .I thought my eyeyo died , and soi was prepared to die slowly inside ....and then ....my mother started crying ...she is pregnant...now my family are not religious but they certainly recognize the big  sins, my mother is going to drive herself crazy with tears all week, how could she do this ...and one thing ...saynub is a big woman, but to hoyo she is still that same teenger that always used to help her with the house, but one thing, she kept saying my beautiful daughter my son, hoyo doesnt see us, were nothing to her, if all her children died today and she still had saynub and ismail, she would at least half content.the fact that she screams i want to die troubles me, i family never was religious and i was mothers and fathers fault for the way the two eldest ones turned out, they are like that because of the somali way, and my mother and everyone else asks me why i dont like somali men, they are dogs, actual dogs, and as usual hoyo will just cry her heart out until she is sent to hospital , im exhausted of this, emotional rollercoaster with this family, i feel like im stepping on egg shells , next a death , an acccident .... how is she going to cope with life if she  keeps losing it when something happens , if my daughter got preggie then i would get her to live with me and keep it to the family. i think this is carma.because hoyo aaaaalways taks about what happened to other women and she nevereeee expects anything to happen to her, she looks at other women and craves there life, she never cares for her other children never.honestly i have lost respect for saynub because she just acts like this out of control teen, seriously if your going to get involved with guys ( especially) somali than be prepared for the wip lash because somali men are filth, all of them, they will fuck you over and ruin your whole life , its something i have seen over and over agian, its typical its there way of life and you know what? i dont have to be loyal to anyone ...its so funny that when something happens she calls sam and not me ...at the end of the day hoyo is going to die because of her panic attacks i find it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard tobelieve that she could acatully care about us when she would rather have us dead then have her daughter pregnant before marriage, i knew that one day something like this was gonna happen ...i give up. i resign caring ...hoyo will always be the same. and i will have no place in this house .