Home before home

my mums gone and i woke today with the same calm feeling i had when my mother was never here .I wish she was one of those people you visit and that's about it.Living with here isn't nice .I always feel lost uncomfortable and frustrated, that's the usual, like something is holding me back from life, and i know its her, right now i feel like i am capable of anything like i can be confident , but when my mothers here its just this lost demented feeling.I know she has a jinn in her  but i wish she could get help, because she needs it.im worried about when i get into university, will she be worse than this, only caring about herself and no one else? because i did not know it were a crime to want to be happy, and i think i needed this day, to calm myself down and to find myself, which i most certainly do.My mother cares for no one but herself and thats a shame because she had kids that once cared for her, there is hope for me, and today i realized that its my mother which has made me in-confident and low self esteemed for myself, i love myself, its just hard to carry on being who i am when such bad negativity is everywhere. 

Finally ...I thinking i'm falling in love with myself...

Today i woke up with the memory of dream..and i remember what one wise person said to me ...'just be yourself, love yourself ' and from there i just thought to myself that thats what im meant to do..because i have no reason to be that hard on myself when im not like that with others ...im finally learning to love myself ..to get back to who i truely am ...and that is ...

A beautiful girl
qualities that i like are..
im tall, which is nice ...i know that now
i have lovey skin and a nice nose
i like my legs and the way i walk
i like the texture of my hair 




And in order to fullfill my new mission of loving myself ...im going to cut off some dead weight in my life which is muna and her group ...she is really some of the part why i feel so bad about myself ..and im also dress the way i want..and that will be a major one because i have to do what my heart tells me ...not what my logic does because i wont get any were with that.

because i always talk about love and everything but i dont ever do things that it could benifit me towards it.
welll time has changed and im changing my look and everything

im going to eat healthy and exercize and get a job and just live ..fearlessly ..effortlessly
follow your heart..