Breathing comes difficult

why can't i seem to concentate, in anything not at school, at home nothing, and my misery is slowly making its way back, to me. it never goes away, but it could with trhe elimination of the actaul problem ofcourse. and in my case my problem never leaves, i am faced with awkward situation were things dont seem real, every situation i am faced with seems to back fire on me, somehow. and i just dont have a clue whether i want to become better on not , with i really want to be that schoolatic girl, because i dont know who she is anymore, i feel like blanche from streetcar , insanity is seeping its way at me and to have anyone tell me that im seeing things differently would be the brink of the ice, or is the brink of the ice ...really loosing myself to hell, brcuse if ...

cute - guy disaster

Shopping for some girls may be absolute bliss but for me it is just hell. I can never really pick what i want and i'm really indecisive so yeah i went out to buy nail polish and lipstick but i found the perfect one  in the end ...(i'm going out tmw and i need to give myself a little omf ), but yeah i was at the bus stop and i saw this really cute Asian guy , funny thing is i saw him twice around my area but just thought he was passing through....but he kept staring at me and i get reaaal awkward when people stare ,like i really get uncomfortable so a few minuets before this i put on max factor lipstick (nude shade) but then i thought i looked cute but i got home and looked in the mirror and my lips looked real chapped and then i remembered i really put lip stainer on my lips ....sad moment..but yeah guess that was expected ,it always happens to me. i cant wait to watch bel ami tmw though its going to be beautiful !

Love

i think i've really given up on it, i just ca't be asked to really run after something that isn't for me, but you know the ironic thing is ...that their really are people out there in the same position as you, in that lovers cage ...not wanting to break free, but lingering next to the gate...and that might me a tiny ounce of hope for love. But yeah i just see myself drifting away from love and everything , i just don't think its likely for a guy to come up to me and ask for my number at any point of me going out.They mostly just stare..A LOT. but i just don't care anymore because its confusing and annoying and just impossible .... i guess it just doesn't work out.

One thought though...i would love to go to America... just to see is the rumors are true. are guys there much better then our British men ....i seem to think so. :) 

My troubled famola .....

There are times in your life were family just really are the most annoying thing in the world.How can someone just invite all their kids over and leave ...how is that fair? uggggh i had literally no sleep today and all i really want to do is just have nice shower and chill at the library were it really is quiet! but yeah i guess that isn't happening any time soon.Don't you just wish that the image pof a nice life in your head, could sometimes come true ... its sad really because everything in my life is upside down and spinning around ... i'm failing my exams and i'm just not into all that studying for a subject i don't even like ....i think its like the curious case of the dreamer girl...forever wondering out on the far reaches of the moon.