Right at this moment, i want to feel magical.

i've resolved, to understand that i will probably not ever have that normal life with this family.MY room will always look the same, or worse...my sanity will probably fade as age comes and annoyance ...i just feel that im not the type of girl this family likes.They like someone who is violent and big -mouthed....follows what ever she is told no matter how drastic...not care about education or my own well-being ...to be narrow minded.Well im not any of those things...

i am ...

yasmin ismail....

a dreamer, i like to think that there is much more to life than looks or what we see, i like to think of thigs on a higher level. Since i was a child..i never knew or felt love...and i always wondered about it...what its like to be passionately loved by a man...and for some reason i imagine him looking like this ...

yes....defention of beautiful and mysterious.Now i have seen guys like this before but they never see me ...i mean they look at me but...i just wish i had money to be more fashion wise...and confident...
i dont know...im at a point at my life where i need to be alone from my family and i need space to breathe.Right now im in a crowded house of three bedrooms and mother is taking everything out on me and my friends are insensitive idiots who think my parents even give a damn about me 'going ot' hell..they dont even care if i die .I just need that romance in my life so that when my world falls down i'll have that one person to talk to , to lean on, but hey..if he came to me ...i prop would have turned him down because im insecure enough to DO that..seriously...im just idiotic like that...i'll assume its just a bet to come up to me and talk to me ...if i was a guy i wouldnt approach me ...im boring.and not that good looking hence why i dont really want to go out with the girls on wednesday...i dont want to cramp there style ...i dont even have anything nice to where ...seriously..friends dont lie to each other ...i'd rather like being told im ugly because to be honest ..then i'd know the truth.

i just want to be that fashionable 19 year old girl who is in university and dresses like this

and who drinks starbucks with her two best friends and who has a loving mother that she goes to talk to...she is the only child ...and her grandmothers here ....just that girl....thats actually happy when she wakes up in the morning..and looks in the mirror.For one n my usless pathetic life...i dont want here the screams .